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Nift Riffers: Issue #1

by Nift Riffers

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1.
Energon Blues 03:16
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I’m just a space bridge maintenance man I only transform into a panel van Neural net crankin’, won’t you tell me the news Blaster’s been-a jawin’ ‘bout them energon blues Told me ‘bout a miner called Megatron Spent every day diggin’ up nucleon Government folks, they come by one day They say, “We’re sorry, boys, we’re takin’ your job away.” We got the energon blues We got the energon blues The energon blues We got the energon blues The energon blues We got the energon blues (We got) the energon blues We got the energon blues Oh lord Then he say this miner he call Megatron Formed his self a band he call Decepticons Got into a fist fight with Orion Pax Now everyone that’s got sense is out makin’ tracks We got the nucleon blues We got the nucleon blues (We got) the nucleon blues We got the nucleon blues The nucleon blues We got the nucleon blues The nucleon blues We got the nucleon blues Oh lord Orion took the cap’tol, he’s feelin’ hot Declared himself to be the very first Autobot Them government boys, they kick ‘em out in the cold Got himself a new look with that matrix of gold He stepped out of the shadows now, feelin’ fine Got himself a new name - call him Optimus Prime Took over the planet of Cybertron Declared a world war on the Decepticons We got Decepticon blues We got Decepticon blues Decepticon blues We got Decepticon blues The energon blues (We got) the energon blues (We got) the energon blues We got the energon blues Oh lord...
2.
Geek Graffiti 03:33
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I tie shoes, I’m fly dude! I’ll write you a Raichu Just wait and see what I do I swear I’m nothin’ like you The pokémon that I choose is here to bring you bad news: “I vandalized your front door, man!” A smeargle attack I sketch quick like a speedrunning orphan I beat Cooking Mama, I’m boss at meal preppin’ But check this shit - this shit’s my real weapon: A spreader gun spray can, I’m F-n’ Bill Rizer Your wall’s a Splatoon map and I’m an MS Paint wizard Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming I’m Banksy, I’m Bambi, I’m Rambo, I’m Chansey Just give me that grilled cheese, I’m not super fancy He-Man is my man and Space Jam is my plan I’ve got more to spray than Team Fortress all day, fam! I kill DDR ‘cause I’m Beast Boy with more steez You think your Fortnite character can dance? Please… I got more cheese than Ryu on a Mario Level I don’t paint no tributes: no Jew Wario murals I watched Bob Ross before Twitch streams I’m Cyclops, bitch, with laser beams That Piccolo shit, I make Saiyans scream I once creamed my pants in a painting dream Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming Ya think you’re safe, but we’re coming for you You’ll have pixelated walls now too Your storefront’s now nerd culture remiss It’s dangerous to go alone; take this! I spice your life with sprites that always surprise incomers That don’t know what to do When they run out of pixels The world is digital and I am making it more cute With poppin’ culture for the vultures who never forget (Yeah) Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming Geek graffiti Yeah, you better watch out Geek graffiti Oh, you better see us coming
3.
Mata Nui Risen 03:45
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Gather around, hear the ancient song Before we played kohli and we all got along We came from canisters - at war before long Makuta betrayed us, didn’t do his job The lives of matoran - their peace he would rob Carried our masks, the power he saw Corrupted his mind, bad as piraka A chronicle starts, three virtues aligned When the masks were made in the time before time Elemental heroes - six sacred shrines A battle of fate that will shatter the line Warriors fell like stars from the sky Toa, they’re called, and they’re built to fight Fire, water, wind, earth, stone, and ice Drive the shadows away, and save paradise Le-koro’s drums tell us the tale From a kio away, that Makuta has failed Our island has cracked, Mata Nui stands Cast out of his body, but awakened in mind Trapped in his prize - the mask of Life Treated like rahi, a beast left to die Before their eyes, made a sword from a knife mārama pōuri pakanga mana kanohi kaha ōi mata nui New chronicles written, three virtues aligned When the mask was made in the time before time On Bara Magna - six warring tribes Scorched by the sun in a fight for their lives Bionicle bloodshed, extinguishing hearts History made - etched into Stars Elemental heroes bringing light to the dark A battle just won, now the dancing can start Each set sold separately
4.
I Wanna Be Hokage 02:26
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D, C, B, A, S, and more ranks to go I wanna be Hokage! Leader of the village, protecting us all, I wanna be Hokage! Just send me on a mission, I have got to train Scurry scurry scurry, and a Leaf Hurricane Ninjutsu with my fingers, genjutsu with my brain Oh no oh oh oh D, C, B, A, S, and more ranks to go I wanna be Hokage! Leader of the village, protecting us all, I wanna be Hokage! I just passed exams, now I am Chuunin Celebrate tonight with a ramen cuisine Anbu aren’t furries, they just cannot be seen Oh no oh oh oh Made my way to Chuunin, few more ranks to go I wanna be Hokage! Leader of the village, protecting us all I wanna be Hokage! Finally, I’m a Jounin, but I still put on a show: Shadow clone jutsu, ninja harem! The whole Hidden Leaf Village, has gone out of control Oh no oh oh oh Ram, snake, tiger, ram, and more hand seals to know I wanna be Hokage! The strongest shinobi, in the village I wanna be Hokage! Sacrifice myself with forbidden kinjutsu If you were the Hokage, you would do it too I’m sorry, just believe it, I’m better than you Oh no oh oh oh Ba ba baba, baba ba baba I’m gonna be Hokage! Ba ba baba, baba ba baba I’m gonna be Hokage! Ba ba baba, baba ba baba I’m gonna be Hokage! Ba ba baba, baba ba baba I have become Hokage!
5.
The Ballad of Samus Aran 04:57
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Left alone, helpless and small No more K-2L - they pillaged it all Wandering through the ashes and smoke Her home is gone and her heart is broke Her parents’ heads crushed by a dragon Seemed like a monster, they called him their captain No one to run to, or so she thought Mysterious bird men - to their planet she was brought The Chozo were her saviors A favor now for vengeance later infused with alien DNA never signed a waiver Learned their tongue, fired a gun, a brand new life has just begun An interruption, the pirates are back Used a scary jellyfish to attack The Chozo are dead, left alone again The tech they left, her only friend A power suit, a big ass cannon Turns into a ball but needs expansions Now plaguing Zebes, bloodthirsty Metroids Three one track minds - all set to destroy A mission to exterminate Invading at a shocking rate They grab ahold of heads with their fangs Kill them all before they lay eggs Taking revenge for what she witnessed No hard feelings, this is business Oh my fucking god, is that Ridley? “Stay outta my way, I’ll have your kidneys” He took her home and took all her friends Time for the captain to meet his end A battle erupts in lower Norfair Countless missiles flying through the air Marching on through his fiery breath Varia suit - she fears not death She clipped his wings now he cannot fly Sunk into lava, he lays to fry Samus, avenge us all The metroids were our fault Yeah Now, you didn’t think it was gonna be over that easy, did ya little girl? Nah, nah - you got one more dance to perform So reload - it’s time to start the show Now it’s off to Tourian Safer now with ice beam in hand Ridley is dead, but there is one more Someone else she has met before A heavily guarded computer AI The hivemind to which the metroids comply Mother Brain, she’s sitting in a tank For her life she has the Chozos to thank But since her creation, they’d lost control Corrupted the galaxy with her ego Samus destroys her but there’s one last catch Time bomb set - get out fast! (Mission complete)
6.
Last Stop, Comic Con! 04:14
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Don’t you love that feeling? Your bags are packed your ticket is paid for and the whole weekend is ahead of you It’s time to go to a place where you can finally be yourself but ironically or maybe not ironically you’re dressing up as someone else Adventure and wonder are yours You and your friends pile into the car, costumes on, and there’s only one thought in mind: Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con I want capes that flutter free, 'cross hotel carpet sky No place I’d rather be, n’matter how much time goes by If you need me, you know where to go You know I’m speeding to the world's biggest comic show! Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con Folks that game Too many guests to name I’ve been away Wish that I could stay Where the force is strong But the lines are always long And that’s alright because This is Comic Con! I’m trying to eat my pizza, but my fangs are in the way My wig is itchy and sticking to my face My makeup is smudged and I’m having fun, I swear Wait, is that a seam coming undone? Aw fuck... Cosplay emergency! Somebody help! Con Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con Last stop: Comic Con!

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At long last, Nift Riffers present their debut EP, Issue #1!

A front-to-back musical roller coaster jam-packed full of niche nerdy nostalgia and rocking riffs galore! We find these songs nifty and we hope you do to!

Special thanks to: Kenny, August, Scott, and Derek

credits

released November 30, 2022

Music by Nift Riffers*
Lyrics by Nift Riffers
Produced by Trevor Wood
Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Trevor Wood
Except violin on track 5 recorded by Scott Murphy
Cover art by Shannon LaFlam
Additional artwork by ZamuZamu, Kenny Hodgins, Trevor Wood, and Jada Wood
Photography by Trevor Wood
Layout & Design by Trevor Wood
Logo by Sunshee and Trevor Wood
Released in collaboration with Weekend Dojo

Hempwick: Electric and acoustic guitars, banjo, harmonica, vocals
Gatchi: Electric and acoustic guitars, bass, ukulele, electronics, keys, drums/percussion, vocals

Violin on track 5 performed by Scott Murphy

*Track 4 parodies Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated" Composition, before adaptation, originally written by Douglas Colvin, John Cummings, and Jeffrey Hyman

Special thanks to: Sam Eberhardt and August Quinno

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Nift Riffers Newfane, Vermont

Nift Riffers is a french fry-loving dynamic duo from Southern Vermont aiming to accelerate the nerd rock genre to new heights.

We write songs about things we find nifty. We hope you find them as such too!

With musical style inspirations from all over the spectrum, and a plethora of fun topics and fandoms to write about, we're sure we'll have something for everyone to enjoy. ... more

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